Quit my job.
Left my husband.
Sold my house.
Got some vaccinations.
Bought a one way ticket to
an island India.
(I doubt the marketing gurus will see my story fit for an inspirational T-shirt – Ha!)
And so it begins March 13th.
Life is just annoyingly unpredictable sometimes, isn’t it? Are you where you thought you’d be in your life? I am NOT, that’s for sure!! Never dreamt I’d be thirty-six, divorced (although it was my decision – for some reason I feel inclined to tell you that), no job (by default with the divorce), no relationship and no children… And I know there are plenty other, “should have” American stereotypes that this mid 30’s girl is surely missing… Eeeeks, gag!! What are you doing with your life Eryn??? Ok, ok, calm down, deep breaths… Things are looking pretty bleak, huh? Sigh…
I know this, no responsibilities stuff, is probably sounding pretty dreamy for all you stressed out moms/dads/workaholics/9 to 5’ers out there running feverish circles in the hamster wheel of life. It is a unique position to be in, I must say… Lots of possibilities with this newfound freedom.
Honestly though, it’s been really overwhelming and scary the majority of the time. Never before have I given up a stable relationship, house and job all at the same time! Where is my proverbial crutch to lean on??? Work? No… Promising new relationship?? Ummm, no… That’s no good for me right now, anyway. Dammit man, how did I get here?? Panic has set in…
Every now and then (and it’s finally starting to happen more frequently now), I feel as though I’m finally peeking through the clouds to see there is sunshine… There is great opportunity for growth… and change… and new experiences… and the promise of something amazing for the future! What to do, what to do??? And here I thought the decision to leave the husband and career was the hard part… That felt like I was at the edge of a cliff trying to convince myself to jump!!
After the split from my husband, I had my Plan A and the back up Plan B in place… I was a girl scout – I was prepared! But when neither of those were feeling right, and I was expressing my severe angst, a close friend said to me, “Eryn, don’t be so eager to put yourself in that box of the rigid Plan A or Plan B. Look at what a unique position you’re in! And you had a great experience when you went to India in 2012, what about traveling?” Huh…. I hadn’t even considered anything so, outside the box… Brilliant!
And just like that, Plan C was born… Traveling – Yes! What better way to search my soul and reflect on the past, all while moving forward into the future? Who knows what the world will present to me while I’m out there? I’m gonna go find out!
So, clank a glass for me, wish me luck and send me all your positive energy, thoughts and prayers for a safe journey with positive experiences… And if your travels find you outside the U.S., do let me know. I’m sure I will be happy to see some familiar faces! We can meet up for a coffee or a cocktail – or maybe a quick jaunt to somewhere unforgettable!
It’s been bothering me for a while now, how I wrote the beginning of this page, my first post back in February of 2014. I was so curt and insensitive with the, ‘Left my husband’ bit, and that’s just not like me.
Now when I read it I feel like a real asshole for writing it that way. Then when I wrote it, I felt like I had survived something; pulled myself out of a deep hole of despair. Like I was taking control of my life and that did involve leaving my husband, although we both knew it wasn’t working, so I suppose it was mutual. Anyway, I didn’t feel it was appropriate to actually change the page, because it was what I felt was right at the time. But just to put the record straight, I thought it might be good to include some afterthoughts on the subject. I wish my ex-husband nothing but the best. He deserves it!